A Change is gonna come

If any of you have been around me lately, you know that not everything is quite how it used to be.

I’ve not had an easy semester thus far. My brain has been going a million miles an hour in about 14 different directions.  I fully expected this when the year started, but there was one specific thing I didn’t expect to be a completely new direction.

I figured my voice would continue on a good path, that I’d grow and see my voice mature smoothly. Unfortunately I kept hitting roadblocks, and getting in my own way. I couldn’t do anything right. High notes were strained, and tension was intense in both my tongue and jaw. I just wasn’t singing well at all.

Then, an identity crisis. I was suddenly switched to baritone from tenor. Any songs that could be easily transposed to a baritone key were taken down. I was in a panic.

But I didn’t know panic until about four hours later; Mr. Hogan texted me asking to hear my “soprano voice”. I sort of thought he was kidding, but as it turned out he was completely serious. He asked me to explain what my upper register sounded like, and about the range of my head voice. He told me that he needed to hear it to determine the quality, and that if it had enough to it, that I’d begin work as a countertenor.

At this point I felt sick.

I suddenly had no clue who I was.

What was happening?

I was scared.

Fortunately, for my mind’s sake, this whole countertenor thing worked itself out. I suddenly found myself improving quicker and quicker. But I faced a daunting task: it was halfway through the semester and I had become a mezzo-soprano countertenor and had six brand new songs. In terms of scheduling at this point, I was already supposed to have half of my repertoire memorized and I had just started learning it. Buckled down and determined, I learned my songs.

October 18th rolled around and it was time for midterm juries. I was also singing on performance lab that day. That was the day I was going to show my peers and everyone else what I was made of.

My countertenor voice was met with mature response from fellow students, with only a few audible snickers. I was disappointed to hear about certain friends, who I thought would be more mature, laughing during my performance. Nonetheless, I felt satisfied and with that day’s ending I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders.

I leave you all with this.

“Look at me

I am changing, trying every way I can.
I am changing, I’ll be better than I am.
I’m trying to find a way to understand.
But I need you, I need you, I need a hand.I am changing, seeing everything so clear.

I am changing, I’m gonna start right now, right here.

I’m hoping to work it out and I know that I can.

But I need you, I need a hand.All of my life, I’ve been a fool.
Who said I can do it all alone.
How many good friends have I already lost?
And how many dark nights have I known?
Walking down that wrong road, there was nothing I could find.
All those years of darkness can make a person blind.
But now I can see…

I am changing, trying every way I can.
I am changing, I’ll be better than I am.
But I need a friend, to help me start all over again.Oh, That would be just fine.
I know it’s gonna work out this time.
Cuz this time I am, this time…I…amI am changing, I’ll get my life together now.
I am changing, yes, I know how.
I’m gonna start again.
I’m gonna leave my past behind.
I’ll change my life.
I’ll make a vow.
Nothings gonna stop me now”

Dreamgirls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYFzORb-DHg

 

Thank you to everyone who has helped me get to where I am right now.

Thank you all for being supportive and encouraging.

You know who you are.

Matthew